Fragile

"I had been wondering these days..can friendship of a few months old be so fragile? I'm wondering..did I hurt them with me myself unknowing my own careless action..? I'm uncertain..doubtful..and maybe the scars from those days had reopen again due to this..the wound..the fear..the sadness..the wondering thoughts if I'll loss them kept swirling in my head..echoing..kept repeating those same heart-stabbing words.."It's all your fault!" I don't want to repeat it again..this life seems worthless..lifeless without them..please don't abandoned me..please let me stay..please..don't leave me in the dark alone..I need the sun..the light to shine me through these passing days.."

p/s: emo mode..don't be effected this blabbering post..arigatou..==

07 episode 1..(>.<)

Teito..before entering the exam..

Mikage..crying over Teito's confession..

Ayanami..==

At last..he manage the exam..

Mikage..fighting..in the exam

wahhh..excited..just finish watching 07-Ghost episode 1..hehe..kinda slow..geez..I wanted to buy the CD..YEAH..adding it up to my wish list then..hmm..I'm admiring Teito Klein..hehe..here are some of the snapshot..yuu~

Image from Hetalia.com

 hehe..I remember something bout an anime movie that I watched not long ago..Hetalia: Paint It White..that movie was hilarious..I watched it with my brother and we can't stop laughing..^^

Image from Hetalia.com

Some briefing bout the anime from Wikipedia of course:

Image from Hetalia.com

Hetalia: Axis Powers (ヘタリア Axis Powers Hetaria Akushisu Pawāzu?) is a Japanese webcomic, later adapted as a manga and an anime series, by Hidekaz Himaruya (日丸屋秀和 Himaruya Hidekazu?). The series presents an allegorical interpretation of political and historic events, particularly of the World War II era, in which the various countries are represented by stereotyped anthropomorphic characters. The main characters are the countries which made up the Axis powers and Allies of World War II, namely Italy (North Italy in particular), Germany, Japan, America, England (representing the United Kingdom), France, Russia and China. Hetalia (ヘタリア?) is a portmanteau combining hetare (ヘタレ?, Japanese for "gutless" or "pathetic") and Italia (イタリア?).This is to make light of Italy's domination by neighboring states since the Italian War of 1521–1526.

so Hetalia is a webcomic..though I didn't follow the comic but the movie was funny and easy to watch..perfect for leisure time..hmm..

New

hmm..this is my 4th week in Kampar..I got to know some new friends..good friends actually..they helped me a lot on homework when I just arrived here..and also help me to adjust this new life of mine..

Geez..of course I'm happy and glad to know all these kind-hearted people and hope that they'll always be my friends..^^

(from the left: up: Hua Ting, Joanne and Shi Lei. down: Sook Yan and Min Jia)

p/s: Another one is missing..her name is Hoi Kei..my true anime and manga fan friend..haha..and of course I'm not in the photo..=="

Mangas..

geez..I'm a university student now..but somehow..I'm still attached to how I how spend my time during secondary school..manga and anime and Photoshop and music and sleep..LOL..geez..but nowadays..the only missing is Photoshop..this new laptop of mine can't seem to be able to install the software or something..geez..so much for it..I'm aching to use Photoshop..but it seem even the time wouldn't let me spare some of it to do 'reckless' stuff..hmmm..anyhow..I'm fond to this manga these day..ok..just since 2 or 3 days ago..had been reading the manga..but it's still ongoing so I'll have to wait for the mangaka to continue it and the translator to translate the manga..wahh..arigatou gozaimas..!!!! Without them I wouldn't be able to have a wonderful and comical life here..I start loving manga and anime since I was 12..err..THANKS to Min Min for introducing them to me..so maybe..ahem..just maybe..ok..not maybe..I had been living in a realistic world before I know bout manga..>.< guhh..It does bring back memory..my 1st manga would be Cardcaptor Sakura..impressed by Clamp's style of drawing..I fell in love with manga straight away..hehe..wow..so nostalgia..so..currently chasing after 07-Ghost awesome style of drawing..geez..^^

Teito and Hakuren

The summary from Mangafox.com:

Set in a Gothic fantasy world, this is the story of Teito Klein, an orphaned slave who becomes top military academy student. However, an unexpected turn of events left him pursued by the forces of the Barsburg Empire, because of his exceptional ability to use a form of magic called Zaiphon. Now an escaping convict, Teito's sheltered by the church in District 7.Because of the 7th District's law of sanctuary, as long as Teito stays in the church, the army cannot arrest him. Here, he discovered many mysteries surrounding himself, the church, and the Empire itself. The fact that he might be connected to a dethroned king and the mystical stone of god, 'The Eye of Mikhael' made him the target of the empire more than ever.

Teito’s discovery of his true nature and his subsequent quest for revenge involve him in the affairs of the Gods themselves, as he finds himself at the center of the conflict between Verloren, the God of Death, and the mysterious “beings of light” sent by Heaven to oppose him: the Seven Ghosts. After completing a test, Teito finds himself the assistant to the Bishop Frau and that the rest of the Empire is after him. Now, he is on the run...

Some of the important char (from the left: Teito, Capella, Frau, Hakuren, Castor and Lab)

p/s: Err..all the important char seem to be male..and Cel said that it's almost BL..LOL

tadaima..

ehhh..I'm home? haha..nope..still in Kampar, Perak..and yeah..I'm currently in Foundation leading to Biochemistry..hmmm..the foundation student..I meant all of us here have to take the three major science subject: Chemistry, Biology and Physics..yea..Physics..geez..I don't really understand Physics these days..it's involve even Mechanic subjects..haha..I felt sorry for Ms Wong..our Physics lecture..she's so nice..but somehow I felt that I let her down..man..anyhow..geez..I got tons of friends..and somehow they are all "leng lui"..haha..cute..hmm..they're helpful and cheerful..I even found some anime fan here!!! wahh..can share interest with them..luckily..hehe..if not I'll be bored to death..so we just finish our mid term test..geez..I just got in there for a week and there were tests already..wahh..kinda scared..dunno if I pass or nor..haiz..worrying now..even praying..huhu..so I encounter a new subject here..Critical Thinking..hehe..for me it's quite an interesting subject..help to improve your English a lot..seriously..

err..there were a lot of event going on in UTAR right now..there's Biology Week..PC Fair and even a ball are going to be held..haha..sound quite interesting rite..the Biology Week and PC Fair just ended on Thursday..wahh..a lot to see..they even open up a frog..haha..and there were even snake and tarantula (so big..look scary)..haiz..and unfortunately..I don't have a camera to collect those moment..wahh..kinda frustrated..need to buy one soon..hmm..

I bought a laptop..haha..I think the model is Presario CQ42..not really sure..ok..it's just a cheap one..RM1500 more or less..hehe..nevermind..I still can use it..

here I am

I'm in Perak now..suffering alone..waiii..I had move in with Li Nie and the others..geez..I'm having a single room all by myself..kinda scared..so have to on the light during sleep(fai's afraid of the dark??!)...LOL..it's not that I'm afraid of the dark..it's just the room is too empty..geez..need to buy some anime poster or something to cheer up the room's mood..LOL..by the way..I didn't have a comp here..so currently borrowing Li Nie's..have to wait another 2 month for my new laptop..haiz..so next week I'll start attending class..NOT AGAIN??? STUDYING??? geez..deal with it fai..our life just can't run from studying..man..I still hate studying a lot..hmmm..

So......

Yeah~ I had quite a pleasant say today..the sky was ocean blue..the sun shone brightly but not too hot..but still waking up is not an easy task for me..hehe..I was going to open a new bank account and ATM card for my University preparation..Ugh..I think I'm going to really miss my home..my mum's cook..my grandmother's nagging voice..shouting at my brother's bout his computer games..alas..gonna put all of that behind now..I'm going there on a mission..a mission of getting a degree for myself after struggling 12 years to get ahead of my studies in my school life..

School life was fun..the cheerful feeling of being surrounded by friends..the warm feeling of being closed to teachers..the confused feeling as a school prefect to caught others student as they violating the school rules..haha..I wouldn't forget that as long I shall live..sounded irony right? Fai's being emotional..==" (sarcasm?)

By the way..I'm still happy for all of my friends that will be continuing their studies..Omedeto~ (congratulation) hehe

Biochemistry then...

ok..the decision had been made..no more change of mind..hesitating..or questioning bout my own decision on how shall I face the world anymore..BIOCHEMISTRY..that's what I'm going to get my head in..the end..LOL
ehh..I like this lyrics a lot..hmmm..

~Welcome To My Life by Simple Plan~
Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna runaway?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming


No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me


To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life


Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding


No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me


To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life


No one ever lied straight to your face
No one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
Never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like, what it's like


To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like (what it's like)


To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life

p/s: Ugh..I do hope the letter of offer will arrive safely though..=="

"maybe I'm making a mistake here?! ==" should I take graphic design..which is what I want to do the most...or take biochemistry..which I also like but maybe will cause me long-term headache? LOL x.x"

err..okey..that's mine Facebook status today..ugh..my decision is being toyed and questioned again by my own self-conscious..damn it! How many time do I have to questioned my own decision? (9999 times perhaps?) LOL..that's me..I change my mind quite fast in everything that I have decided on my own..maybe I should just stick to my old choice and left the other one behind and try pursuing in another life time?! (how many life time do human have?) Geez..forgive me for babbling this nonsense..haha..funny..

the unpredictable Fai with her puny brain that doesn't stop questioning her own ability to survive in this catastrophic life on Earth! =="

back from Perak..

so the Perak trip (trip?!) was nice actually..everyone was being extremely nice to me..there's Li Nie (actually I know her from my primary school and she's the one that help me to apply for the UTAR admission), Ying ying, Xioa Zhi and Yong Jun (I think..I don't quite remember his name..==" not really care)..the girls treated me very nicely and concern bout my case..>.< I'm touched..==" I'm trying to write down every details in PAST TENSE here..ahaha

Night before..

Ugh..I had waited for the bus for almost 2 hours..it finally show up at 11pm..so I aboard the bus with Li Nie..I met Kak Z (my teakwondo senpai in secondary school) she was also headed to Perak..and the funny thing is she thought that Li Nie was my mum..ahaha..well Li Nie's tall but she don't look old to me..

Upon Arrival..

well..we arrive in Medan Gopeng at 5am..err..so there was no bus only taxi..geez..and taxi in the early morning cost RM50 to go to Kampar (siao..I can but an anime season with that..I thought bout that at that time ==") while the bus only cost RM4..oh well..we decided to take the taxi anyway..by the way..I can't sleep in the bus..quite wide awake the whole time..haha..==".. the taxi driver was nice..it took bout 40 mins for us to arrive at Li Nie's place..err..we encounter a buffalo on the road (what's a buffalo doing in the middle of the road early in the morning?) well..the taxi driver chase it away with the honking..piiii~..LOL

The 1st day..

Li Nie brought me to visit UTAR..well she ride me to UTAR on her motorcycle..haha..she ask me whether I had ride on a motorcycle before..od course I did!!! LOL..ahaha..she was patient enough to explain bout UTAR to me..she's so sweet..and not forget to mention she's a beauty actually..well of course she is..duhh..her bro is a bishounen..haha..ok..then she brought me to the Admission Department to buy the application form for RM10..she ask me think carefully before deciding on the course I'm taking..hehe..so the five course that I chose was: 

Biochemistry 

Biotech 

Chemical Engineering 

Graphic Design and Multimedia 

Accounting 

well..I took the whole night to figure that out..'haha'..seriously thinking..hmm...that evening..Li Nie brought me to Mian Dui Mian..err..it's a noodle shop..selling all noodles dishes..there's all kind of fried noodles and soup noodles..ok..so I order for soup noodle..LOL..kinda hungry..I met 2 of her friends there..don't remember their name..SORRY! I insisted to pay for my share but she refused to take it..=="..that night..I went to buy the bus ticket to go home..err..I had to go back on Thursday since all the Wednesday tickets had been sold out..=="..then Ying Ying and Li Nie took me to eat........err..again..sorry I forgot the name of the dish..it's some kind of rice and meat..they cooked in in a clay pot..and serve it like that..wow..the aroma was mouth-watering..no wonder Li Nie said that many people from everywhere came here just to try out that dish..so the biggest pot + 3 drinks only cost RM 23.50..huhu..

Second day..
I went to submit my application form with Li Nie..err..something unexpected happen..the secretary said that she needed to see my real result..luckily..I brought it here to Kampar..but didn't bring it to UTAR..so I had to go back to her place again..I'm really sorry that I had troubled her..haiz..she was facing her own trouble at that time..she might had to even quit her studies..but she was still willing to help me out..==" I'm worried bout her..so we had our lunch and this time I went back to UTAR with Ying Ying..haha..she offered to take me cause she had a talk that afternoon..so I finally..successfully submitted my application form..

The LAST day..
I woke up at 6.30 today..don't want to miss the bus of course! hehe..so Li Nie took me to the nearest bus station..she even bought me breakfast..I wanted to pay..but she insisted not to..=="..she was quite worried that I might get lost..LOL..I can already remember the road to Medan Gopeng..I tell her not to worry..so now I was finally home..safe and sound..I thanked Li Nie a lot..hehe..dunno what else I can do except that..like Malay said..terhutang budi..hehe

p/s: The secretary call me when I was on the bus..I can't even hear a thing..ugh..need to call her again to confirm..but one thing for sure..my application is approved..!!!..but I need to confirmed again to make sure..don't want to break my heart again..LOL..I REALLY WANTED TO TAKE PICTURE...BUT..............................=="

Wrong

seriously?! Ugh..I got the wrong schedule...so the trip (can it be call a TRIP?!) to Perak will be on tomorrow's night..Teacher Poh already phoned my mum to confirmed..and I'll still be going..still need to pack then..and some certificates need to be photocopy..haiz..I don't want to put my hope too high..it might ended up with disappointments..again..haiz..

I prepare lunch and dinner today..did the laundry..ALONE..without any help..since my brother was asleep the whole day..geez..he's been playing DoTA like nuts..falling head over heels with the game..ahaha..==" I don't quite understand that game..the strategies or so whatever..=="


"If you can't pass the impossible, 
you'll never get through it"
haha..that's the word of wisdom from Inazuma Eleven..I wonder if I got those words right =="

err..Perak? again?

geez..going to Perak again..I think..==" this is the second time I'm going to Perak by bus this year..haiz..it's my mother's friend..Teacher Poh..she invited me to go to her daughter's university..and see whether I can enroll or not..that's really kind of her..I should really thanks her when I see her next time..^^ so now..have to start packing..again..alas..lazy..==" so the bus will be on tomorrow night..not exactly know what time..have to wait for her call..ahaha..and I'll be back on Tuesday or Wednesday..hmm..so no need to pack too much..>.< I'm glad..

anyway..my mum's going to KL tomorrow..and her bus will be at 7am or 8am tomorrow..haha..so my brother gonna have to stay home with my grandmother..have to cook rice..etc etc..^^ hope that he can handle it..huhu..

p/s: I got rejected again by the Matrikulasi..ahaha..geez..how many time do I have to suffer through disappointment..geez..this just making my day even worse than the others..ahahaha..man..gonna try to live with that..!!!

aza aza fighting!
Gambatte ne!!! =]
(fai's trying to be positive)

Gardening

hehe..helped my mum and grandmather in the garden yesterday..going green! ^^ they decided to replant the plants in the garden..it had been years since the last time they change the soil..my mother said that the soil and the pot need to be change so that the plants can grow better..and the flower can bloom better..like changing to new clothes..haha..well I wished that I could take picture though..but..............geez...I really needed a new phone..!!! T_T anyway..I'll take some when I got a new phone..anyway..bout the soil..my mum bought it from the gardening shop..red-yellowish color..and got some from the garbage burning site at the back of our house..she said the soil from the burning place is suitable for the flowering plant..==" not sure why..nutritious? still..there were red ants attacks..haha..I destroyed their home..ok..not all but part of them were..==" sorry! they got me too..their bites..pain!! haiz..some people said that gardening help us to be calm..yeah..sort of..I think..==" I had fun..and tired so I slept well at night..haha

p/s: I found an interesting site..FanFiction.net..ahaha..fanfiction in English..and another one that I still like a lot..but it's in chinese though..Baidu.com..I read a lot of fanfiction before..because it's INTERESTING!!! and of also because I have leisure time..ahaha..nothing to do..^^ the authors are imaginative and creative..==" yea..quite imaginative.. 

singing help..duhh..

singing YEAH! LOL..help reduce tension..ahaha..>.< full of energy now...jumping around like a rubber ball..geez..I'm re-watching Cardcaptor Sakura again..and falling in love again with Touya..haha..and Yukito..they're too cute..LOL..Sakura-chan is too lovable..^^ so the holiday may be filled with my favorite anime..yeah!! and not to forget I'm still not done with my homework..alas..that can wait..I think! haha..it might end up like last year's homework..I'm doing it on the last day of the holiday..geez..burning midnight oil..and causing headache..ahaha..never mind..^^

hmm..the anime CD that are in my collection now:

-Ouran High school Host Club-
-Fruit Basket-
-Kaichou wa Maid-sama!-
-Code Geass-
-Code Geass R2-
-Cardcaptor Sakura-
-Rozen Maiden-
-Kobato-

haha..and yeah..only 8..==" gonna start collecting again..and yeah..there are CLAMP's artwork..>.< love CLAMP's..

and anime that I used to borrow from friends..or watch online..or on TV..completed:

Star Ocean EX
Blood+ (mel's ^^)
Vampire Knight S1+S2
Color Cloud Palace S1+S2
Spiral
D.N.Angle
Anglelic Layer
Black Cat
Fate Stay Night
Midori no Hibi
Negima Sensei
Shakugan no Shana
Loveless
La Corda D'oro
Shugo Chara
Chobits
xxxHolic S1+S2
Shaman King
Sousei No Aquarion
Kyo Kara Maoh! S1+S2+S3
Princess Princess
Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle S1+S2
Petite Princess Yucie

so some that aren't complete yet are:

Gundam Seed Destiny
Gundam 00
Naruto (of course!)
Inuyasha (also of course!)
Marchen Awaken Romance - M.A.R (still chasing)
Haruhi Suzumiya (==")
Jigoku Shoujo
Gakuen Alice
Samurai X
Prince of Tennis
Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha
Detective Conan (another of course ==")
Get Backers
Fullmetal Alchemist


==" still long way to go...haiz...dunno whether I lost anything on the list..ahaha..T_T

missing..haha..

LOL..i think my blog is missing a 'fews' of my important days..hmmm..so here are some of it..or should I call fai's short life synopsis? haha..

-12th February 2011-

went to Karnival Jom Masuk U with my mom..met some friends..say hi to them..

-6th March 2011-

cut my hair till waist-length..regretted a little..T_T

-20th March 2011-

Karnival MARA..when with Afiqah by bus in Kota Bahru..had fun together..bought burger for lunch! 

-23th March 2011-

SPM result..got 3A+ 1A 5A- and a B for Physics..higher than my expectation..=="

-25th April 2011-

went to Perak for Petronas Educamp..got culture shock..known few friends from Kelantan..==

-3rd May 2011-

pass my driving test..yeah..! ^^

-9th May 2011-

form 6 registration..==" met the teachers..*run*

I thinks that's all of it..hmmm..by the way..I already finished my DIY bag!!! purplish bag..LOL

cloth..what?

ahaks..went to shops today..geez..and guess what I bought for myself..of course not using my money though..LOL

-water container
-T-shirts
-Chicken Floss Bread
-nail polish (experimental use)
-Cloth (dark purple)

the cloth..I'm going to start crafting..I think..if I'm not too occupied with my laziness..gonna sew a bag..I found some interesting DIY bags tutorials on DIY Bag Lover..=]

p/s: I saw Oprah Show yesterday on ntv7..it was about using phone while driving..yea..lots of people did that nowadays..can't do..everyone are living a hectic life these days..business talk in car..messaging..==" I'm really curious how they did that with a hand on the wheel and another one on their phone..texting..that single thought scared me..many accidents happened because of that..many lost their life and their loved one because of that..haiz..so here..I need to say this:

Don't use your phone while driving!
It's life threatening!

thank you!

Pretty boy vs gentleman..haha

Like in movies
Is your man a knight in shining armor?

haha..that phrase caught my eye when I was going through the the TV channels..it's from Bella talk show on ntv7..hmm the pretty boy part..hehe..the first thing that come to my mind is Japan and Korea artists..geez..seeing their fair and flawless skin make me ashame of myself a s a girl..haiz..but still..I'm a fan of their music and drama..haha

anyway..the holiday just started..but I'm already started feeling down somehow..hmmm..got homework..and homework..and other homework (I get that you got lots of homework) ..and of course homework..still..I'm trying to get other things done..haven't been drawing lately..need to start drawing again..before my skill got rusty again..=]

Agony..

I'm in agony..
Should I stay low..crying and weeping over matters that would not even come true in a million years?

I'm in pain..
A deep scar had been aching in my heart all this time..should I show it to them..causing them suffer even worst than me?

I'm afraid..
Fear of being left alone..behind everyone that I had known as friend..chasing over them under their shadows..and will still be far behind..?

Alive by Raiko (Naruto OST)
" dare datte shippai wa suru nda
hazukashii koto janai
kono kizu o muda ni shinai de
waratte arukerebaii "

Lower 6..

I hate to say this but...I REALLY HATE SCHOOL these days..haiz..
form 6 isn't easy..as the teachers are making me suffer days by days throughtout their lectures..geez..
it became worst as they doesn't seem to have hopes in the students..
it's heart-breaking actually to have them deliver it in words..haiz..
they should at least keep it between them..not said it to our face..breaking our spirit..arrgh..
I'm not sure what else I should I hope for..a brighter future?
Haha..but it seems that God is juggling my fate..toying it..
To all my friends that had succeed to achieve what they hope for..I wish them lucks..^^
and please don't forget bout me..promise that we'll still be friend..forever..
The subjects in f6 that I'm taking: Pengajian Am, Biology, Math, Sains Sukan, and Ekonomi..
and YES..it's not pure science..and I'm thinking of taking Chemistry..ahaha..=="
by the way..the teachers seem wanted to chase me away..
okey..not chasing but they think that I should pursue pure science with that kind result of mine..
Geez..I don't really care though..nevermind..
anyways..I got tons of new FRIENDS..hehe..at least I have them to cheer me up..^^
I think I'm going to enroll in IPTS..I'm not too fond with form 6..
pressures..lazyness..these are my problems these days..=="



p/s: I really need a new phone..my SE broke down a few weeks ago..ahaha..==" seriously
and I lost a 'few' contact numbers..

back..i think

err..how many time do I have to make my comeback speech..?! dang! I'm sick of my incapableness of online-ing..== haiz..nothing unusual happened in these few weeks after SPM..my life just get boring from days to days..alas..i'm not surprise though..hehe..maybe i should waste some money on going to Cyber Cafe to update the blog..haha..